Appreciation, attention, validation — You are looking for it ever since you were born. It’s good to be loved, respected, seen. So why some people are desperately looking for external validation and denying themselves the right to make decisions?

External validation starts with family.

Love and respect start from the family. Healthy societies show love for kids by giving them appreciation. Along with critique, such children receive compliments for what was done right. Their teachers and parent believe in them and they often tell them about it. More than that they encourage them to think big and start something, like a lemonade stand or YouTube channel.

Yet in many countries, appreciation is almost prohibited. It’s often shown as a sign of weakness.
Perhaps you know how it feels when everyone from parents to teachers and bosses, are trying to improve your skills by pointing to your mistakes. Generations of people from such countries feel unloved, underappreciated, neglected. They only know how to criticize and are afraid of appreciation. At the same time, they are desperately looking for someone to validate their skills and rarely trust their judgment. They work much harder than others and often become high achievers, except they never enjoy results.

Working with many experts from post-Soviet countries, I’ve noticed how self-criticism doesn’t allow them to achieve the rewards, they deserve. Those under-loved are often suffering from depression and the inability to love. They often can’t identify their true self. They are subconsciously looking for external validation and are enabled to give love because no one ever taught them how.

On the other hand, people who feel confident, supported, loved become successful faster. They believe in their potential. They know that their work will be appreciated and they expect to be rewarded for the job they do. If they don’t receive the reward or it’s not enough, they start looking for better opportunities. They get better jobs because they know their value and are more satisfied with their position and salary. They are requesting promotion confidently and moving faster on the career ladder.

Does seeking external validation affects business?

When underappreciated people become entrepreneurs, they tend to hide. They refuse to show up consistently and sabotage their visibility. They are avoiding leadership and feel uncomfortable in a decision making position. They are always overwhelmed, tired as they are working more than others. As they don’t believe in themselves, they are often reducing their prices and do a lot of work for free.

It’s a very broad picture, each situation will have a lot of additional factors, such as personality type, the level of expertise, circumstances. Yet, confident active individuals who believe in themselves will attract more clients in business and become more popular by showing up and connecting with people.

And if you recognized yourself, you can change it! You need to know that you deserve love, appreciation and rewards for your job! There are many ways to do it, from mindfulness to affirmations and exercises to professional therapy.

P.S. This post is rather a food for thought concerning the necessity of love and acceptance from society and family. Because people who were loved as kids and teenagers can love back, able to open their hearts and trust.

But what these underappreciated people can do to improve their situation? They can start with self-love and appreciation. Yet, more importantly with the tremendous self-discipline, that stops from falling into negative self-talk and by keeping themselves in the high vibration and good mood consciously. Easy to say? Yes. But it’s the cure and it works long-term, even if sometimes it can be bitter.

When I was in school, I did try to blend in. My parents are artists and I was extremely different than all the other children in the school nearby. I’ve developed this habit and my mind told me it’s a good idea, it’s safe to be invisible, you need to be just like everyone else, so nobody could harm you for your different thinking.
After twenty years in the advertising and branding industry, where I’ve built many unique and powerful brands, I’ve started my own branding business. And that was a pivotal moment because this time I had to brand myself and be visible but I only knew how to blend in.

I needed to build my brand foundations and I was terrified.

I quickly figured out that I have no clue who am I, what is my “BIG WHY”, and who I want to work with. “Luckily” I knew what business model do I want. I said “luckily” because I was wrong. I’ve missed one important thing to make this model sustainable I had to invest a lot. Rather quickly I’ve realised that many of my ideas were wrong and I’ve missed the fundamental aspects of my brand. So having 17 years of experience (then), I had to start from scratch.

I knew that I have to be in alignment with my audience and my business vision. But I didn’t know how to achieve it.

• First, I didn’t know who do I want to be in my customer’s eyes. I had a habit to blend in and didn’t know how to be visible. I was a person behind the camera and now I had to be in front of it. So I’ve dug deeper and find a lot about brand archetypes and psychological test MBTI. It was extremely helpful but not enough. Not all videos convert viewers to buyers. Check out this free video training and receive free content planning Trello board “How to create Live videos that convert viewers to buyers”
• Second, I was researching my audience. And I have to tell you this. There is no theory that can give you the right answer. That’s why I’ve been teaching my clients not just theory, but how to research to get REAL answers from their prospects. Obviously, they are getting the systems and guidelines on how to find out all the answers.
• Third, I’ve checked my resources (time and money) and have changed my business model, having in mind that I will be able to tweak it in time. For that, I had to revise my business vision and set the plan.

The practice is key!

The only thing that can help you to find all the answers is practice. So I’ve implemented, tried, adjusted and fixed over two years. Until I figured the biggest flow that coaches and experts have online with traditional branding and why they choose the wrong path 70% of the time. They’re choosing an easy way to build an empty wrapping (logo, colours, templates) without building their brand inside out. And they are doing it for a reason.

• Reason number one is fear. They do not believe in themselves. They don’t believe in their business and therefore never plan for long.
• Reason number two is the lack of knowledge. They are investing in the wrapping and not in the brand because they are not aware of what is the holistic approach. Your brand is an image in your customer’s mind not just a logo.
• Reason number three is time. Corporates can invest 10 years in brand development and implementations without a blink. As individuals, we need to become visible and position ourselves as an expert faster.

That’s why i always recommend to use video marketing to brand yourself online.

I was scared to go “go live” so much that I’ve postponed it for 4 years. I’ve faced all my visibility blocks and excuses. But when I did it for the first time and then, again and again, it has changed my understanding of who I really am. The experience was so scary to my clients that they could quickly reveal and overcome their visibility blocks, they became more confident and were able to reach the right prospects faster. That’s why I can say: “if you want to build your personal brand online start with video! Build visibility muscles!” Check out Visibility Gym Challenge, it’s paid but it brings results for those who want to work on their videos. Fear of camera can be bitten in 10 days and your confidence will grow!

“If you want to build your personal brand online start with video!”